Would I do that with a guy?
I’m married and if you are too, then according to statistics one of us is going to get divorced. No offense, but I don’t want it to be me.
That’s why I developed the “would I do that with a guy” question. You see I rarely take the time in my life to question my motives. I’m impulsive, so usually I just act and end up figuring out the motive while I’m figuring out the consequences of a poor decision. But lately I’ve become like a Zen master of motive identification. Unfortunately my best and most recent example of this in practice is going to make me look like a jerk. But oh well, here goes.
The other day me and some friends were getting coffee. An attractive friend of a friend was there. She pulled from her purse the same kind of European notebook I carry in my pocket to make sure I don’t lose gems like “you’re lucky I don’t have access to bears.” I was just about to tell her excitedly how we shared the same somewhat obscure taste in notebooks when the Holy Spirit threw up a caution question, “Would you do that with a guy?” Ohhh, well played Holy Spirit, well played indeed.
I thought about it for a minute. If that was a guy sitting across from me, would I go out of my way to tell him how we must think alike because we use the same kind of notebook? Honestly? No.
I was going to tell this girl about my notebook because she’s attractive. And despite being happily married, I apparently still like attractive girls to think I’m interesting or cool. I was going to show her my notebook because I wanted to impress her. When I came to grips with that shameful realization I decided not to show her my notebook.
If you’re thinking that’s pathetic, then I agree. It is, but I don’t think I’m that unique. I don’t think that I’m the only guy out there acts different around different people, especially attractive women. What am I going to do about? I’m going to ask that question in every situation I get in like that. Would I do that with a guy? Would I say what I am about to say, do what I am about to do, act the way I am about to act if the attractive girl I’m interacting with was just another guy? If the answer is no, then I’m not going to do it.
It’s clearly not a foolproof trick, but it’s only one of the ways I’m starting to protect and nurture my marriage.
What are you doing to protect yours? If the answer is nothing, then statistically speaking, you’re getting a divorce.