Friday, March 21, 2008

pomegranates, country television and 9 more random things

pomegranates, country television and 9 more random things

1. I hate when commercials for television shows tell me, "this is the episode you can't afford to miss ." Is that ever true? I've never been at work and heard someone talking about a show and thought to myself, "Dang, that was the episode I couldn't afford to miss." Unless they make a show called "How and when Jon Acuff will die," I can afford to miss any program.

2. The squirrels in the attic, who I just chased 5 minutes ago, are not getting fooled by the trap I put up there. So I'd like to put it in our yard every night and just see what kind of "varmints" we can catch. I told my wife that's what they call "country television." If you live so far out in the country you can't get cable then trapping animals is your entertainment. She, much like the squirrels, did not fall for it.

3. Speaking of television, have you ever seen the show, "International House Hunters?" It's one of those "hate your life" programs. While you sit at home with animals scurrying over your bedroom, a couple of rich people decide which vacation villa on the coast of Portugal to buy. If life feels too good right now, turn on that show and you'll be bummed out anew.

4. Is it me, or did pomegranates kind of come out nowhere? I feel like everywhere I look there's some product being infused with pomegranate. In addition to juice, there are lip balms, jelly beans, frozen yogurt and countless other products. Is it possible there is a secret fruit council thrusting odd fruits on us in some weird plot? Is it possible I should have better things to think about? (Want to know what the next "pomegranate" is going to be? Dragonfruit. Trust me on this one.)

5. Tonight while driving home listening to the radio show "Delilah" I heard some woman saying she had the best man in the world. (The only reason I had that horribly cheesy show on while driving alone is that I'm not cool.) Part of the caller's proof that her man is really great is that he cuts up old scarves and gives them to squirrels so that they can use the pieces for their nests to stay warm in the winter. Ladies, if doing that is one of the criteria for being "the best man in the world," then please know I will never own that title.

6. I think one of the reasons we get love so wrong is that we overuse the word. The other day I saw a billboard that said, "Finally, natural gas prices you can love!" Have you ever thought to yourself, "I like my water prices, but I LOVE my natural gas prices?" No, and you never will. So let's stop saying "love" so much and instead say "like." Let's bring like back.

7. When you're really bored, very little will change that. Case in point, the other day we took our 4 year old and 2 year old to the circus. They have about a 45 minute attention span. By minute 50, my oldest daughter was like, "11 rare white tigers dancing and jumping through hoops? Ugh, daddy can we go home?"

8. I really don't want to raise spoiled kids, but the very first thing my two year old said to me when the Veggies Tale movie started in the theater was, "Not this veggies dad." She was pretty sure she had the right to dictate what the other 100 people in the theater saw and that her dad had the power to make it happen.

9. The other night on American Idol, which I was watching because Delilah wasn't on, Ryan Seacrest announced all the special guests they'll have this season. In addition to Dolly Parton and Neil Diamond they're inviting Mariah Carey on the show. He read their names out loud and then said, all of these people are not just great performers, they are great songwriters. I googled some of her lyrics tonight and I promise you this is a direct cut and paste. I can't wait to hear her explain the emotion that helped create this musical tapestry:

ooh, ooh
Come on, come on
ooh, ooh

Nah nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah [Repeat twice]

10. How come Scientology gets Will Smith and we get Stephen Baldwin? No offense to Stephen Baldwin and although Will Smith's people are trying to keep it quiet about Smith's alleged love of Tom Cruise's religion, I just don't think it's fair. (Note, no official word on Smith, that's just what people in the streets are saying. Not my street cause it's a cul-de-sac but other streets) What famous person do you wish was a Christian? I'd like to see Kid Rock. Not that I love him, but I'd like to see him bring some of the grit and grime the disciples had back to our faith. But seriously, post what celebrity you think we should recruit.

11.When a girl tells me, "we're pregnant," in my head I think, "that's great, kids are awesome." When a guy tells me "we're pregnant," in my head I think, "You're wife's pregnant, not you. I'm sorry but we can no longer be friends."


Writeaway said...

LIKE getting the fruit trend report. Don't love it, though.

You said you don't love Kid Rock. You mean LIKE?

Christian entertainer? Someone "big and outspoken" like Brad Pitt. But then he'd have to divorce Angelina Jolie because he would definitely not be able to stay married to the devil. Just my opinion. I'd take Oprah too - she's influential and some people think she's leading the antiChrist right into the White House....

Joe said...

Man, I discovered pomegranates like 11 years ago.

Facts about pomegranates:
1. Levitical priests used the left over seeds put them in the hem of their robes. Exodus 39:25-26 (I don't know why I have to specify Levitical but just to cause confusion among my Catholic bros/sisses.

2. You have to crack some codes in this one but between Genesis 1:29 where God creates plants, herbs and trees to Chapter 2:9 where He mentions the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, 25 different trees are encrypted in the Hebrew using letters that are equidistant letter distant (every other 4th letter, every other 12 letter, etc.). Including almond, olive trees is of course pomegranates.

"Delilah": Yea, you ain't cool. Why, because I know that radio show. My knowledge of that show makes me uncool as well. We might as well start a club.

In the Hebrew language, you would never use the word love to love something like natural gas prices. Like, you couldn't say "I love my camel." in Hebrew. Makes no sense. With English, we get a very poetic and musically inclined language that expresses feelings and emotions beautifully. However, we use the word "love" to love our God, spouses and kids to cars and mac & cheese. Good and tragic all in the same breath.

Meghan said...

This post made me practically spew coffee outta my nose.

I concur with your dragonfruit prediction.

I think we're pretty lucky having Bono somewhat already on the "team" as it were.

Anonymous said...

Steve Jobs...definitely. Steve Jobs.

Anonymous said...

Pomegranates didn't come out of nowhere. How do I know? I worked for a company that created the machinery (fruit sorting/packing stuff) that enabled the pomegranate marketing juggernaut in America. We were doing this six years ago, poring over advance marketing stuff, bouncing pomegranates around and trying to bruise them in our labs, etc. We even had a "What Are Pomegranates" workshop. The orchards had been planted in California by then. Now their marketing plan has succeeded and pomegranates are everywhere.

Our technicians, as I recalled, hated the pomegranate packing centers, because the pomegranate juice is not only horribly sticky, it stains clothing.

Future fruits coming your way include donut-shaped peaches and apples that have pink and red striped insides. No lie.

Jeremy said...

I think we need Christopher Walken. He would be one cool Christian.

CrownLaidDown said...

We had squirrels in our attic in our old 1854 home in Texas, too. Only they really weren't squirrels (as my dear, sweet husband told me). No, they were rats! Ick!

My Chris and I enjoy your new site. We found you via Sophie (BooMama).

Keep on writing--you have a gift of telling the truth in love and with a good bit of salt.

syro said...

I concur with other comments.. Pomegranates, not new, just more popular. More than 10 years ago, when I started college, my freshman dorm RA was standing in the hallway eating one.. Not that that's relevant. They were easy to find then, even more so now..

I don't want some current "celebrity" to become a Christian, at least not so we have one for "our team" -- most people would probably chalk it up to publicity stunt anyways. I want some super cool actor to break onto the scene and have him (or her) be the new "it" guy/girl and then be like, "Oh and BTW, Jesus Luvs U and so do I" -- in a cool way..

but I don't think Christians will ever be "cool" enough to rival, say, Will Smith in coolness. And that's only because they ARE Christians. The media doesn't like us so much, ya know? This Scientolofreak stuff is trendy and hip, so the media eats it up. (although, now, I'm thinking it's more to mock it than anything. Tom Cruise, used to be cool, now, more of a punchline.)

I really do like your writing!

Stephrs said...

Definitely Steve Jobs!

Darja said...